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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24802033">Breeding Minecraft Lilacs Out of Dead Land</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/v00doll/pseuds/v00doll'>v00doll</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>homecraft minestuck [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Dialogue Heavy, Epic Friendship, Family Issues, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Light Angst, Pre-Sburb (Homestuck), Rose-Centric, idk you can read it either way it doesnt rlly matter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:54:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,119</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24802033</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/v00doll/pseuds/v00doll</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Four kids play a game. Not *that* one though.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>John Egbert/Jade Harley/Rose Lalonde/Dave Strider, Platonic Relationships - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>homecraft minestuck [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2097738</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Breeding Minecraft Lilacs Out of Dead Land</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm not dead! Enjoy!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="dave"> TG: shit get it get it get it ge </p><p class="john"> EB:  im trying geeze!! oh fuck oh fuck no NO! </p><p class="dave"> TG: fuck fuck fuck fuck fu </p><p class="jade"> GG: what the hell is going on over there?? </p><p class="john">EB: okay!! i got it!</p><p class="rose">TT: Don't worry about it, we're doing fine.</p><p class="dave">TG: oh shit okay yeah were good</p><p class="dave">TG: im good</p><p>A faint hissing sound echoes in the voice chat like the vengeful ghost of water thrown on smouldering coals. Rose narrows her eyes.</p><p class="rose">TT: Dave, are you su-</p><p class="dave">TG: wait no NO FUCK</p><p>Just as Rose' character turns the corner with her sword at the ready, the creeper explodes. Dave's character blinks red, falls over, and disappears. </p><p>[turntechgodhead was blown up by Creeper]</p><p class="dave">TG: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK</p><p class="jade">GG: oh no!! D:</p><p class="john">EB: dave oh my gooooooodddddddd-</p><p class="jade">GG: how did that happen??</p><p>Rose runs over to pick up Dave's dropped items as John's character comes back over from the part of the mine he was in.</p><p class="dave">TG: i am literally going to kill myself oh my fucking go-</p><p class="john">EB: i lit up the zombie spawner!</p><p class="rose">TT: Great, did you loot the chests?</p><p class="john">EB: yeah, it was kind of garbage treasure though</p><p class="rose">TT: That's rough buddy</p><p class="rose">TT: Shit, can you grab the rest? My inventory's full.</p><p class="dave">TG: jade im going to kill myself</p><p class="john">EB: yeah sure, got it!</p><p class="rose">TT: Dave stop being a little bitch, you didn't lose anything.</p><p class="dave">TG: i lost my DIGNITY lalonde ok i lost my fucking decorum</p><p class="dave">TG: my poise if you will</p><p class="dave">TG: im ruined</p><p class="dave">TG: a fool has been made of me before the whole of the court</p><p class="dave">TG:its like</p><p>Groans are heard from every other mic in the chat.</p><p class="dave">TG: its like ive shown up to the ball and all the fuckin minecraft nobility are looking at me as im walking down the stairs like im the belle of the fuckin ball ok and then i stare back at them all smiling and queen waving but then i realize im wearing a hat with lace when its hats with ribbons that are in vogue rn</p><p class="dave">TG: i am laughed out of the ballroom never to recover from the social consequences of my buffoonish faux pas and soon driven from the land altogether</p><p class="dave">TG: but like</p><p class="dave">TG: worse</p><p class="rose">TT: Are you done.</p><p class="dave">TG: yeah</p><p class="jade">GG: dave, come help me farm while we wait for rose and john to come back!!</p><p class="dave">TG: sure thing wait one sec</p><p>Rose and John's characters run through the cave together and back up to the surface, listening to Dave bitching to Jade about how long and stupid a process tending to her enormous farms is and Jade bitching right back about him "policing her way of playing games for fun" and presumably hitting him, if a handful of scattered "ow, fuck you harley"s are enough to go on. Rose reaches for the iced coffee next to her on her desk and, finding it empty, pushes it to the side where it knocks up against a plethora of similar takeout cups, mugs, and other assorted drinkware. She scrubs her eyes. </p><p class="john">EB: hey rose, are you still there?</p><p class="rose">TT: Yeah, I'm here. I might go afk for a bit to get another drink.</p><p class="rose">TT: Can I trust you not to kill me while I'm away?</p><p class="rose">TT: Again?</p><p class="john">EB: oh come on it was one time!!</p><p class="john">EB: thats cheap and lame oooooooobviously im not gonna do it again.</p><p class="jade">GG: i might!! Hehehehe</p><p> Rose puts herself on mute and sets her headphones down on her desk. After slipping and falling on one of the various unfinished knitting projects strewn about her floor and peering cautiously out into the darkened hall for maternal or feline activity, she creeps up the insufferably long hallway and down the stairs. The house rumbles ever-so-gently around her, the purr of some unknowable high-tech mansion bullshit, its walls pale even in the dimness. Rose makes a mug of shitty instant coffee and brings the spoon with her so Mom doesn't see it in the sink and find out she's been up so late -or early, rather, as the neon green numbers over the stove read AM- and begins the soundless trek back upstairs. Pine branches thrash silently outside the window. </p><p class="jade">&gt;GG: dave check your fucking dms it's just a-</p><p class="dave">TG: harley no im not looking at any more furry porn-</p><p class="jade">GG: it isn't furry porn!! it's just a meme!!!</p><p class="jade">GG: daaaave i promise you it is just a good old fashioned surreal meme about the void and the coolguys!! you love the coolguys!</p><p class="jade">GG: im really sorry about that one time i promise! :(</p><p class="dave">TG: sorry harley youve lost my trust</p><p class="dave">TG: my tender heart has fallen victim to your wicked wiles one time too many and refuses to love again</p><p class="jade">GG: but daaaave</p><p>They're talking over each other so much Rose can hardly make out what they're saying, but she wrinkles her nose at what she thinks she does hear.</p><p class="rose">TT: What do you mean any more?</p><p class="dave">TG: rose this isnt about you stfu</p><p class="rose">TT: Did you-</p><p class="rose">TT: Did you just spell stfu at me?</p><p class="rose">TT: Dave what's wrong with you.</p><p class="dave">TG: literally everything cmon weve been over this</p><p class="rose">TT: What is wrong with you. Why are you so fucking stupid.</p><p class="dave">TG: okay listen up jackass i didnt wade through a literal sea of fuzzy cartoon dick this morning for someone who wrote a hundred thousand words of gandalf x reader smut "ironically" and self identify as sapiosexual for no less than four years ask me whats wrong with me</p><p class="jade">GG: what the f-</p><p class="rose">TT: It wasn't "ironic". That's your shtick. I know better than to meddle in a field in which I personally know the undisputable master, and that he'd verbally tear me a new one if he felt I was encroaching on his turf. Give me a little more credit here, Dave.</p><p class="dave">TG: oh bullshit</p><p class="dave">TG: as if saying shit like dont know what youre on about dave im doing this one hundred percent genuinely with that weird sarcastic tone and blank smirk of yours isnt literally the same thing</p><p class="rose">TT: It was genuine.</p><p class="rose">TT: Was the "sea of fuzzy cartoon dick" a metaphor for your apartment or your DM conversation with Jade?</p><p>Jade has been laughing her ass off throughout this entire exchange. </p><p class="jade">GG: rose c-</p><p>She cuts herself off with another bout of cackles.</p><p class="dave">TG: tbh both</p><p class="jade">GG: rose can i read your gandalf fic??</p><p class="dave">TG: here jade ill send it to you i have it saved</p><p class="jade">GG: sweet!!! :D</p><p class="rose">TT: Why do you have it saved?</p><p class="rose">TT: Wait, won't that entail entering your DMs, the entire reason this topic arose in the first place?</p><p class="jade">GG: its such a wonder you can remember how we got here in the first place despite all the insufferable tangents you two go off on.</p><p class="dave">TG: shit rose youre right</p><p class="dave">TG: everyone look outside for meteors or whatever</p><p class="jade">GG: because the world must be ending?</p><p class="dave">TG: yes jade because the world must be ending</p><p class="dave">TG: thank you so much for explaining the joke that made it so much more funny</p><p class="dave">TG: OW WHAT THE FUCK JADE</p><p class="rose">TT: Don't worry Jade, I'll send you the Gandalf fic and spare Dave's poor virgin eyes from the "memes"</p><p class="jade">GG: hehehe i can see you doing finger air quotes!</p><p class="rose">TT: Perfect.</p><p class="rose">TT: Where's John, by the way?</p><p class="dave">TG: he logged off a bit before you got back</p><p class="dave">TG: its probably past his bedtime and his dad caught him playing video games because he cant talk quietly to save his life</p><p class="jade">GG: says you mister yelling-every-two-seconds!! :P</p><p>They both sound incredibly fond. It makes Rose ache inside and smile at her dumb, sappy friends.</p><p class="rose">TT: Isn't it only like, eleven PM in his state?</p><p class="dave">TG: you know dad egbert he keeps his spawn on a tight fuckin leash</p><p class="dave">TG: early to bed early to rise makes a man healthy wealthy and wise he says and john groans and says like fuckin idk ok dad sorry for almost not being a total fuckin square</p><p>[ectoBiologist joined the game] </p><p>Just a moment later, John is back in the voice chat too, albeit speaking much more quietly than before.</p><p class="john">EB: hey guys! what did i miss?</p><p class="rose">TT: Dave was talking about you being on a leash.</p><p class="john">EB: jeez, not again!</p><p class="dave">TG: christ</p><p>Jade bursts out laughing again. Rose takes a long, deep drink from her thus far neglected coffee.</p><p class="dave">TG: im sick of you mangling my words all the time lalonde okay its seriously not funny</p><p class="dave">TG: okay its actually pretty funny but you know i cant help all the accidentally suggestive things that come out of my mouth and you take advantage of me when im vulnerable</p><p class="dave">TG: oops see there i did it again huh rose you see that</p><p class="dave">TG: and even when its literally not even weird you have to go and make it weird by taking it out of context and also the other half of the fucking sentence and putting words in my mouth</p><p class="john">EB: dave are you done?</p><p>Dave is quiet. Rose can practically see him sulking.</p><p class="dave">TG: yeah</p><p class="john">EB: okay! and rose i agree, you should really stop twisting daves words around!</p><p class="john">EB: putting things in his mouth is my job!</p><p class="jade">GG: AHAHAJSHDJDHSJSHSHSFF</p><p class="dave">TG: john what the fuck i trusted you</p><p class="john">EB: im sorry! it was right there, i couldnt not-</p><p class="dave">TG: fuck you dude okay i really thought you were better than that</p><p>Jade howls with laughter, ear-splitting and fairly ear-rapey. Her audio is usually pretty poor quality and tends to cut out a lot, which is strange because Rose recalls her mentioning on more than one occassion that her house has really good wifi, especially considering the location. Maybe it's the radiation from Bec? Is he even radioactive? Rose is pretty sure he's radioactive. Wait, does radiation make audio staticky? Whatever, this is unimportant. </p><p class="rose">TT: Unbelievable.</p><p class="dave">TG: john im literally going to kill you irl</p><p class="john">EB: don’t you need me to give you your items back?</p><p class="dave">TG: irrelevant</p><p class="dave">TG: watch out bitchboy im coming</p><p class="rose">TT: Are you now.</p><p class="dave">TG: SHUT THE FUCK UP OH MY FUCKING G-</p><p class="jade">GG: yeah c’mon, that was low hanging fruit!!</p><p class="jade">GG: you can do better-</p><p class="john">EB: ok everybody calm down and shut up! this is dumb cmon seriously</p><p class="john">EB: also my dad is totally going to hear you</p><p class="jade">GG: are you not wearing headphones, you dingus?</p><p class="john">EB: yes i am! that is my whole point, that you guys are being so loud that he’s going to hear you through my headphones!</p><p class="jade">GG: come on dave!</p><p class="rose">TT: Come on, dave.</p><p class="dave">TG: sorry damn</p><p>Rose and John’s characters finally find their way back to the staircase to the surface and the group’s little compound. Their shared survival server has been going for several months and under their collective tender loving care -but mostly John’s. He seems to spend more time on the computer than any child of reasonable circumstances.- it had grown into a flourishing metropolis of almost nothing all that metropolitan. The world’s crowning jewel is their home base, the Chaos Compound, which is what Rose had officially named it after the set of builds that comprised it were collectively agreed upon as being an official enough collection to warrant a name, even though the other three agree that that's a stupid name and just call it the compound. Everyone has their own house, but things like farms, animal pens, and the multitude of diamond-block penises that spawn on a regular basis apparently from nowhere with "no evident creator" are dispersed randomly about with no veritable system of organisation. </p><p>Rose has built her house as a singular cylindrical tower that grows a floor every time she needs more storage space and caters nicely to both her desire for efficiency -a desire that does not extend outside of Minecraft- and her appreciation for elegance -an appreciation that does-. Dave’s house is entirely underground, save for a shack that houses the front door and a truly mind-boggling series of frustrating redstone traps that they all bypass every time by digging in. Jade has set to replicating the golden castles from her dreams, though with more concrete and wool than actual gold blocks. John’s house is just a monstrosity. Let’s move on.</p><p>Dave, true to his word, is waiting for them.</p><p class="dave">TG: alright lets go you punk bitch square up buckaroo</p><p class="jade">GG: buckaroo</p><p class="dave">TG: shut up</p><p class="john">EB: haha oh my goooddd calm down dude just take your shit</p><p class="dave">TG: wait where are my pants and torches and bucket an</p><p class="john">EB: oh yeah rose still has some of it</p><p class="dave">TG: rose come back give me my pants</p><p class="dave">TG: rose my pants</p><p class="dave">TG: my diamond pants rose please</p><p class="rose">TT: Hold your horses, I’m just putting away all this gods damned coal. I’ll be right back with your pants.</p><p class="dave">TG: im holding them</p><p class="dave">TG: i have the tightest of grips on these equine bastards they couldnt escape my firm grasp if you cut off my hands</p><p class="jade">GG: bet</p><p class="rose">TT: Dave. Come on. At least make me try, here.</p><p class="rose">TT: I don’t even need to say anything here you’ve dug the hole yourself.</p><p class="jade">GG: hehehe “hole”</p><p class="rose">TT: Jade I promise you my firstborn just for that.</p><p class="jade">GG: yay!! :D i will name her after pippi longstocking!</p><p class="rose">TT: You absolutely will not.</p><p class="jade">GG: too late you gave her to me shes my daughter now and i can name her whatever i want!</p><p class="jade">GG: mothers that promise their daughters to witches dont get to claim naming rights</p><p class="rose">TT: Here are your pants, Dave. Let go of the innocent horses.</p><p class="rose">TT: Jade, did it never occur to you that I would name my firstborn upon her birth? When the midwife handed her to me, that I would hold her tenderly in my arms and christen her with a name while gazing into her eyes and pondering the miracles of life and love and familial values before handing her regretfully to the girl I made a shameful promise to in the foolishness of youth?</p><p class="jade">GG: nope, not even once.</p><p class="jade">GG: also what if the baby is a boy?</p><p class="jade">GG: oooh!! i would name him patrick!</p><p class="rose">TT: ...What’s the catch?</p><p class="jade">GG: after patrick from spongebob!! :D</p><p class="rose">TT: Actually die!</p><p class="john">EB: jade, what the hell?</p><p class="jade">GG: don’t try to lie and tell me that you would object to naming a baby patrick! it is a perfectly lovely name for a baby boy regardless of where i got the name from!!</p><p class="jade">GG: besides, isnt it even more meaningful because the name is attached to my precious childhood memories??</p><p class="dave">TG: jade no offense but you grew up on hellmurder island raised by a god dog because your grandpa died and left you to stuff and display his corpse along with all the other weird creepy corpses he hoarded for whatever fucking reason</p><p class="dave">TG: the last thing any innocent hypothetical baby would want to be associated with is your childhood memories</p><p class="jade">GG: okay wow!!</p><p class="jade">GG: you’re one to talk!!</p><p class="jade">GG: your bro makes porn with puppets and keeps swords in the fridge!!</p><p class="john">EB: yeah lowkey, dave, your home life isnt much to write home about</p><p class="dave">TG: who am i going to be writing home to when im at home get it together egbert</p><p class="rose">TT: Tsk tsk, John.</p><p>Rose yawns and takes another deep gulp of coffee that’s growing cold. </p><p class="john">EB: geeze rose, you sound pretty tired!</p><p class="john">EB: we’ve been playing for a while, maybe you should go to bed</p><p class="rose">TT: I’m fine, John.</p><p class="rose">TT: Thanks for worrying though, it’s sweet.</p><p class="john">EB: well if you aren't going to do basic things like going to bed at a reasonable-</p><p class="john">EB: or literally ANY time!! i am just going to have to remind you because that is what a good friend does!</p><p class="rose">TT: That’s usually what a parent does, actually.</p><p class="dave">TG: well i guess we finally figured out who the quintessential mom friend in this generic teen clique is</p><p class="dave">TG: one of the great fuckin mysteries of the world</p><p class="dave">TG: thanks john for stepping up to the plate</p><p class="rose">TT: Tha-</p><p class="dave">
</p><p class="jade">GG: don’t</p><p class="john">EB: yeah rose we all get the joke, you don’t need to spell it out for us!</p><p class="john">EB: also don’t like...none of your guys’s parents actually do parent things in a non-50’s-housewife-performative way? no offense</p><p class="rose">TT: If you can technically call Jade's dog and Dave's brother "parents".</p><p class="john">EB: seriously though, what time is it where you guys all are?</p><p class="rose">TT: Quarter after two.</p><p class="john">EB: i’m almost scared to ask...</p><p class="rose">TT: AM.</p><p class="john">EB: JEEZ!!!!!!!!</p><p class="john">EB: rose, go the fuck to sleep already!</p><p class="dave">TG: what cmon john have you never stayed up past midnight before</p><p class="dave">TG: what are you ten</p><p class="jade">GG: okay we get it dave!! You are a cool fun guy and you stay up late doing drugs and alcohol and getting into swordfights in the streets or whatever</p><p class="dave">TG: doing alcohol</p><p class="dave">TG: jade thats fucking adorable ahahhahah</p><p class="jade">GG: :( </p><p class="john">EB: you guys too!! jade i know you fall asleep and wake up randomly all day anyway but i know you and rose’s time zones are the closest so you should probably at least be trying to go to bed right now too! we can hang out later!</p><p class="rose">TT: John. What are you going to do?</p><p class="dave">TG: cry</p><p class="dave">TG:piss your pants maybe</p><p>Had the group been speaking in person, Rose and Dave would have high fived at this point, probably without even having to look at one another. They are just so fucking in synch.</p><p class="john">EB: come on, at least leave the game and the chat to humour me</p><p class="john">EB: i know im a douche a lot of the time-</p><p class="jade">GG: we know!</p><p class="rose">TT: We know.</p><p class="dave">TG: we know</p><p class="john">EB: but i really care about you guys! and i want to know that you are staying healthy so how about we all just go to bed and play again in the morning!</p><p class="john">EB: or, uhh, whenever we’re all online again i guess. time zones.</p><p class="jade">GG: ugggggh fiiiiine,works for me! i have a bedtime story ready and waiting for me anyway, courtesy of rose! ;D</p><p class="dave">TG: oh dear lord</p><p class="jade">GG: goodnight guys!!</p><p>[gardenGnostic left the game]</p><p>[turntechgodhead left the game]</p><p class="dave">TG: peace out</p><p>Two telltale beeps from Rose’s discord application tell her they’ve left the chat. She scrubs her eyes again and sags back in her desk chair, grumbling quietly, but not angrily. </p><p>It's... </p><p>No amount of performative prickliness can mask the facts. The facts are as follows: it is nice to be told you are cared about. Even if it isn’t the stumbling woman you live with whom you hear it from.</p><p class="rose">TT: Goodnight, John.</p><p class="john">EB: goodnight rose!</p><p>[tentacleTherapist left the game]</p>
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